Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
