I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize