I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
