it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
