So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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