All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
