You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize