Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
