i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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