Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
