It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
