i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
