so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
