You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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