we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
