i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize