I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
