birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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