you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You've changed since you got that strap on
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize