My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
