i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
