Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
