@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
