my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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