goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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