There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
