Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Enjoy the penises
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
