on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
