She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
