when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
