Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
