she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
