Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
