After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
