dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i drank out of a bidet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
