i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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