I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
