i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After tacos, we're chasing women.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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