I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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