I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
