went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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