I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
