Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
