I must be too annoying 4 u.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
