Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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