Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
