a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
