Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
