Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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