Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
