We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
