She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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