six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
