party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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