I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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