Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
