Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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