New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
