Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
