Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
