Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
