Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
