she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
