Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
