He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
