I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
