I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
