I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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