This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
