Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
