i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
