New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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