my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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