You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
