I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
