At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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