Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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