dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
