its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
