Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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