my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
