Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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