god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
