dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
