We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
