i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
