sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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