If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
