My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
