so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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