Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
