that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
