dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
