I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize