my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
