that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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