Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pants are for mortals
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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