On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
