are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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